Have you ever had to let a friend go?

[Kern Dog]

We have all had friends that eventually got too much to take.

Over the last several years, I have noticed something about people that has affected how much I am willing to tolerate.
SOME people talk about themselves too damned much.
To me, the most interesting person is the one that engages others in conversations. The dialog is a shared one and isn't one sided.
The absolute worst is the guy that only talks about what HE is interested in.
I went here, I went there, I bought this, I sold that.....
I know some guys that are great though. They ask questions, talk about tech, family stuff, current events and don't make every subject revolve around themselves.
TWO separate terminal bachelors that I've known always talk about themselves and show almost no interest in what anyone else wants to say.
Why is that? I know it isn't limited to just bachelors but I wonder if a lifetime of NOT having a woman around to care for tends to render them completely selfish.
Every car show that I go to, I see guys that I haven't seen in several months if not a year. Some are considerate people. Many are not. I always try to remember their car and ask them about it. Some reciprocate. Some see my question as an excuse to give a 17 minute monolog about everything on their minds. These are the ones that are slowly being added to the list of people I don't care to speak with that much.
I've mentioned this issue to many people that I know and some have said they feel the same way.
Tim is a guy that I've known for more than 12 years. He used to live in town but moved away for a job. He calls and wants to talk about everything HE is interested in. When I try to elaborate on something from my own day, I get the obvious signs of disinterest, followed by Okay, I gotta get going.
The last time he did this, in closing, I said...."Well, it was great listening to everything that YOU wanted to talk about".
He was surprised....What do you mean by that??
The guy was clueless. He is a software engineer but not smart enough to take a hint on this.
I like having friends but if the ones I have only see me as someone to listen to THEM talk all the time, I'll quit taking their calls.
How about you?
Have you had buddies with bad habits you just couldn't take?

 

[multimopes]

I like having friends but if the ones I have only see me as someone to listen to THEM talk all the time, I'll quit taking their calls.
How about you?
Have you had buddies with bad habits you just couldn't take?

Maybe a few, but my working crazy shifts pretty much took care of that, completely. Sometimes I have to shout in the bathroom just to hear a response, lol! Occasionally a telemarketer will attempt to contact me but I ignore them as there are too many.

 

[Cranky1]

We have all had friends that eventually got too much to take.

Over the last several years, I have noticed something about people that has affected how much I am willing to tolerate.
SOME people talk about themselves too damned much.
To me, the most interesting person is the one that engages others in conversations. The dialog is a shared one and isn't one sided.
The absolute worst is the guy that only talks about what HE is interested in.
I went here, I went there, I bought this, I sold that.....
I know some guys that are great though. They ask questions, talk about tech, family stuff, current events and don't make every subject revolve around themselves.
TWO separate terminal bachelors that I've known always talk about themselves and show almost no interest in what anyone else wants to say.
Why is that? I know it isn't limited to just bachelors but I wonder if a lifetime of NOT having a woman around to care for tends to render them completely selfish.
Every car show that I go to, I see guys that I haven't seen in several months if not a year. Some are considerate people. Many are not. I always try to remember their car and ask them about it. Some reciprocate. Some see my question as an excuse to give a 17 minute monolog about everything on their minds. These are the ones that are slowly being added to the list of people I don't care to speak with that much.
I've mentioned this issue to many people that I know and some have said they feel the same way.
Tim is a guy that I've known for more than 12 years. He used to live in town but moved away for a job. He calls and wants to talk about everything HE is interested in. When I try to elaborate on something from my own day, I get the obvious signs of disinterest, followed by Okay, I gotta get going.
The last time he did this, in closing, I said...."Well, it was great listening to everything that YOU wanted to talk about".
He was surprised....What do you mean by that??
The guy was clueless. He is a software engineer but not smart enough to take a hint on this.
I like having friends but if the ones I have only see me as someone to listen to THEM talk all the time, I'll quit taking their calls.
How about you?
Have you had buddies with bad habits you just couldn't take?

Looks like this thread hasn't gone as well as it did at FBBO.....did you post this on all of Joey's forums?

 

[7mopar]

Soon you're going to be talking to yourself. How are you going to walk away from that? You might manage when the mind goes, and you don't remember what you said ten minutes before. Just remember if any of these guys have been married or still are they may have been talking to themselves for a long time. Then think about just what else they may have to talk about but themselves.
Just saying don't become a pomp's ass and an uncaring one at that.

 

[Kern Dog]

Looks like this thread hasn't gone as well as it did at FBBO.....did you post this on all of Joey's forums?

Not all....Just here, FBBO and FABO. Just trying to spark some conversation about something other than politics!

Soon you're going to be talking to yourself. How are you going to walk away from that? You might manage when the mind goes, and you don't remember what you said ten minutes before. Just remember if any of these guys have been married or still are they may have been talking to themselves for a long time. Then think about just what else they may have to talk about but themselves.
Just saying don't become a pomp's ass and an uncaring one at that.

You appear to be confused.
If you are so desperate for friendship that you'd tolerate a "friend" that monopolizes conversations by only blabbing about themselves, that is a sad thing. A friendship is supposed to be an exchange, not a one sided affair where one only talks and the other only listens.
If you aren't bothered by dudes that borrow stuff and either don't return it or bring it back damaged, good for you. That will continue as long as you allow it.
I have a healthy enough self esteem and know what I am worth. I will not tolerate disrespect or selfishness.
Believe it or not, there are some good people out there that do value another person's time and friendship.

 

[DeltaDart]

 

[NioMarvin83]

It sounds like you've run into a common issue with people who dominate conversations. Some people just don't know how to listen or engage in two-way discussions. It can be draining when every conversation revolves around them.

I think it has a lot to do with personality and how people are used to interacting. Some people just talk about themselves because they're comfortable with it, or they don't realize they're not giving others space to talk. It might not even be about being selfish—some people just don't know how to share the conversation.

It's great that you try to ask others about their interests, but it's understandable when others don't return the favor. Sometimes, people don't notice how one-sided the conversation becomes. If it keeps happening, it's okay to distance yourself. Friendships should be a two-way street.

Have you tried calling them out, like you did with Tim? It might help some people realize the problem, but others may not change. You have to decide if the friendship is worth the effort.

 

[Cranky1]

I let a 'friend' go after he kept trying to 'educate' me in machining (I'm a journeyman machinist and he isn't) and denounced me driving 'Dodges' when his newer Chevy was broke down in his driveway and still is.....got sick of his crap. Btw, that was several years ago and his Chevy diesel is still broke down in his driveway and all my 'junk' Dodges are still running.

 

[kiwigtx]

I have a guy who is in my phone contacts but is on permanent ignore - which means if he rings me, it goes straight to message.

I have another friend who has told me many times that the first guy says I am hard to get hold of.

It started because the first guy is one of those who gets you to do stuff and never gives anything in return - whether it be payment or a few beers and an invite to his BBQ's....or even as simple as dropping around to say hello at the weekend. He also has a habit of sitting in his Sales Office when there are no "ducks on the pond" as he puts it and calls up a list of people to blow off on what he's up to lately. Always about him, never really gets overly interested in checking mine or anyone else's happenings or well-being. And when he finishes talking to someone on that list, he calls the next person and repeats the same conversation.

If he asks about opinions, and you give sound advice, he keeps asking everyone else, as if the previous person didn't satisfy. I got tired of that, and tired of reminding him he still owes me some money....so I decided to just blank him. I think he has finally got the message after about four years. I know he has called, I see the alerts, but my phone never rings the way I have it set up.

A real shame because he's not a bad guy....just another one of those guys more interested in himself than others. When you talk to him face to face, he sits or stands opposite and just goes hmmmm, hmmm.....then starts on about himself. I get sick of that.